http://relationships.blog-city.com/read/cheating.htm
The blog is written by a series of authors and journalists. The specific blog we chose was by Sara Eckel. This blog presents various topics concerned with cheating in a compelling way. We chose this specific blog because it identifies with our course theme: Breaking Down the Rhetoric of Love in Pop Culture. This topic is also relevant and timely to college students, as it is something that is often experienced throughout our lives.
Questions:
1. Why do you think cheating happens?
2. What constitutes as cheating? (i.e. when is the line between just friends crossed)
3. Do you think trust can fully be rebuilt after your significant other has cheated?
4. Can cheating be a justified response to problems in a relationship?
5. In your opinion who are more likely to cheat: men or women? And why?
6. Was there a specific article that grabbed your attention, and why?
By: Josh Grant, Monika Gaspar, Terrence Rouse
I think cheating action happens when people have desire to fulfill themselves. maybe sometimes they feel they need something to excite themselves.Being friends is a sign to cheating or cross the line between some buddies.What is more, I don't think they can fully rebuilt after my significant other has cheated, because the most important things between friends is trust and honest, if you cheat once, then after that it's hard for you to obtain other people's trust again. I also don't agree with the suggestion NO.4.I think if a person is rich or immoral, he or she will more likely to cheat as they have enthusiasms to fulfill their desires. " Women's relationships today follow a very predictable pattern" draw my attention because it[s a hot topic.
ReplyDelete@99teo
ReplyDeleteHi Sicong- Can you explain what details of this blog led you to your impression that "if a person is rich or immoral, he or she will more likely to cheat as they have enthusiasms to fulfill thier desire"?
Go back to the rhetoric of this post! How is the author making thier argument, and what details support it?
I think it is very interesting that studies show that when someone was cheating in a marriage, couples usually become stronger. Usually one would believe that this would cause the marriage to break up and become weaker because there would be lack of trust and doubts about the relationship. I also found the blog that women who have good men cheat on them more. I believe though that if one really loves the other partner, they would put the partner's happiness above their own and would not want to hurt the other partner in that way.
ReplyDeleteI think that cheating tends to happen when someone in the relationship is unhappy or unfufilled with the relationship. I also think that cheating happens when someone in the relationship is tempeted to much by someone or something else such as peer pressure. I think what crosses the line as cheating is doing something as little as cuddling with someone else. If you are doing something with someone other than your partner such as cuddling or kissing or sexual relations, thats cheating. Whether it is strictly sexual or if theres an emotiional attachment.
ReplyDeleteI read the post titled "Boredom and Cheating" and found it very disheartening! I don't think that the author is expressing a very strong sense of ethos, therefore I find it hard to take this article all too seriously. While they are playing on your logos and pathos a little bit (the things they are saying DO seem to make a little sense and they talk about emotional issues regarding desires in a relationship)I think that they left a lot of room for judgment. I like to believe that it's not always true that a woman gets 'bored' with her husband after some time. Yes, she may crave excitement, but that's why you need to create excitement in your current relationship...
ReplyDeleteI just wish that this post would have talked a little bit about the flip side, the side of women who do not turn to cheating when they get bored.
I was very interested in the article "Women who have good men cheat on them more." It talks about the reasons why women are more likely to cheat on a good man than a bad man. They talk about how women want attention and don't want to feel like they are being taken for granted. They then turn to another man for more attention. I agree with this statement because many women spend all their time trying to get noticed. Also, it says women are less likely to cheat on bad men because many of the women have grown up in a bad environment and think that the man they have is the best they can ever get. No matter the reason, I think cheating is horrible and should never be done. When someone cheats on their spouse, it makes that person look unbelievably selfish. When in a relationship, everything is not all about you, and that is why you should never cheat on someone.
ReplyDeleteI think cheating happens in relationships when people are unsatisfied or bored with the relationship they are in. I do not think that it is the best way to respond to problems though. It will only cause greater tension or strife in a relationship. The article "Boredom and Cheating" grabbed my attention because it was something that I feel is true. Although it was pretty short it talked about how women specifically will likely desire the type of man that they do not have at some point or another because they want change.
ReplyDeleteThe article that interested me was "The odds are against us finding a worthy woman." I do believe morals have declined in society and more people than ever are likely to cheat and be unfaithful in a relationship. However, I also believe there are still good people out there and it seemed to me this blogger was a bit bitter about a recent situation. As one of the comments say, you just need to be patient and fine tune your "filter" to who will be right for you.
ReplyDeleteI read the article "Women who have good men cheat on them more" and I found this article to be extremely interesting because I had never really thought about cheating from the women's side. I always assumed that the majority of cheaters were men and that they just wanted more partners for the fun of it. When initially posed the question who cheats more I definitely thought that the answer was men because women are usually more emotionally attached so they don't have that inclination to cheat. After reading this article I still find my previous statement to be mainly true, but it just made me realize that women can be just as terrible as men can. I think that women who crave bad boys don't want to marry them because they know what comes with the territory so they might marry a really good guy that treats them well and gives them basically everything they want, but they still have this want for the bad boy. This makes some sense of why a women would cheat on a good man, but it still doesn't make it right. I think that if the bad boy is who they truly desire than the woman should just suck up the negative aspects that comes with having him as a husband and leave the good men for people that will appreciate him to the fullest.
ReplyDelete3. Do you think trust can fully be rebuilt after your significant other has cheated?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely not. In no way should you put your trust in someone who has cheated on you. What’s to say that they aren’t doing it again, or breaking your trust in another way that can hurt you? Just because that person may have been really important to you in the past and you still want them to be a part of your life in the present, doesn’t mean that they have to be. If they’ve done something like that to put your relationship in jeopardy then they aren’t worth being with or gaining their trust back. Especially when it continues to happen after you try to ‘rebuild the trust’. It just doesn’t work, people don’t change.
@Jennifer Caron
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you. I think that even flirting through text messaging would be considered as some form of cheating. If it is something you are keeping from your partner, then its probably something you shouldn't be doing.
The article that automatically caught my attention was about the guilt felt by women after they have an affair. The survey that was done for this article saide that 90% or women who had an affair felt no guilt about the situation. This number just blows me away, and makes me think, if your in a relationship and do not feel any remorse for cheating on your partner, then why are you in the relationship in the first place. It also said that 45% of the women stayed married to their husbands after they had an affair. From a person point, I know that I would be unable to cope and/or stay with a person who had an affair while in a relationship with me. My personal opinion, if your relationship is that bad or boring that you need to find comfort in sex with another partner, then just end the relationship because it is not worth it anymore.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't think that I could ever return to trusting a girlfriend that cheated on me. After she does, there's an always-existing possibility that she might do it again, because it happened once already. However, I do see how relationships can improve by becoming more intimate after affairs because couples are more able to uncover the true problems in the relationship. Also, I believe cheating in marriages is significantly more worrying than in other relationships. Moreover, the fact that cheating is so common in marriages makes cheating seem more like a triviality than a serious issue.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSicong Hua
ReplyDeleteI think cheating action happens when people have desire to fulfill themselves. maybe sometimes they feel they need something to excite themselves.Being friends is a sign to cheating or cross the line between some buddies.What is more, I don't think they can fully rebuilt after my significant other has cheated, because the most important things between friends is trust and honest, if you cheat once, then after that it's hard for you to obtain other people's trust again. I also don't agree with the suggestion NO.4.In my opinion based on the blog, I believe that men were more likely to cheat hhe relationships because the statistics clearly showed that the rate of men cheat is much higher than women, and from our casual knowledge, men need more fresh expriences to fulfill their desire, so I think men is more likely to cheat the relationships. "Women's relationships today follow a very predictable pattern" draw my attention because it[s a hot topic.
I read the article "License to cheat." The article says that women are no more hired to cheat than they are to steal or kill someone. It says that this is just an excuse and I agree. To me cheating is one of the worst thing taht one person can do to another. The unsuspecing partner has put themselves out there and opened up to the person who is considering partner, so I believe that should be enough to prevent it. If a person considers cheating, then they should most likely just end the relationship becasue it is obviously not enough for them. Ending the relationship would be better than cheating.
ReplyDeleteThis blog relates a little to our blog we posted last we that dealt with divorce and the growing rate of divorces in the United States. Cheating is something that many of us have a different definition for as Monika and Jennifer touched on. Today we are doing things that they might not view as cheating but to others they would consider it cheating. When your in a relationship you shouldn't want to even think about cheating on your partner if you truly care about them. If your bored with that person or unsatisfied then you shouldn't be with this person anymore
ReplyDelete@alber.12
ReplyDeleteI definitely do think that if someone has cheated on you, it is so difficult to be able to trust them again. I also think though that if someone cheated on you there has to be more problems invovled in the relationship then just that. And that this cheating did not come out of nowhere. I do think that people can change though and that second chances are often deserved. Afterall, everyone messes up somewhere along the line right? With that, I think it also really depends on the circumstances. If a person has cheated on you multiple times and you continue to give them second chances then I think thats wrong. But what happens when you have been with this person for years, they have never done anything like that before, and it just happens. Maybe just a kiss, and maybe they were even a little drunk and didn't fully realize it? Would you throw it all away? I'm not sure if I could...at least not at first. I think it really just depends on the situation.
@Steve Splawinski
ReplyDeleteAlthough cheating is so common, I think it is still a serious problem. A lot of the times I feel like people just get married without fully realizing what it ultimately means. People shouldn't get married if they aren't ready to settle down. And even outside of relationships in which people are married, cheating is still a serious issue. Afterall, those are the people who end up getting married who aren't quite ready...
@Monika'
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you said. I actually know of two people that are my age (18) and engaged. To me, this seems very radical and possibly ill conceived because neither would be able to financially support the couple if they didn't have support from their parents. I think that in order to be able to be engaged or even in a serious relationship, each person has to be independent and an adult in all ways, including monetarily. Moreover, both the guys I know are dating girls that don't go to to their college, which necessitates a long distance relationship, something very time consuming and difficult to maintain. Also, they seem to be missing out on the whole college experience: going out, meeting new people, and having fun.
@Monika
ReplyDeleteI agree, Monika, that cheating is still a serious problem and often overlooked. It seems like a lot of people will quickly take their partner back and forgive them, overlooking the issue that is at hand.
I read the post "Are we Hardwired to Cheat?" After writing my analyticial research paper on a similar topic I found this post interesting. Women are possibly biologically driven to cheat due to the fact that they want to produce the best offspring. The article talks about the fact that the men who would provide genes which would produce the strongest, healthiest, offspring is not necessairly the best guy to raise that child or be with long term. When one cheats however I don't think it's fair to blame biological reasons. While we may be driven to cheat we are always responsible for our actions.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your question of where is the line for cheating I feel that is a very blurry line. What constitues cheating or not depends on the couple, and what they agree upon as crossing the line. Even then however the line is still very vague.
Cheating is an unfortunate consequence of our natural biological drives. Monogamy has become the social norm for the sake of keeping society intact and allowing the family to take its necessary place as the building block of communities that allow for human progress. However, monogamy, especially in the long-term, is somewhat contrary to human nature in its primal form. Our biological imperative is to pass our genes on, and do to so with the most attractive mates possible. For those people unsatisfied with their monogamous relationships, those biological drives can easily break through the veil of monogamy that is the social order. The best solution to keep cheating from happening is preventing the situation: if you aren't ready to fuly commit to a fully faithful relationship or aren't completely, 100% sure about the significant other that you are ready to commit to, then do not do it. By that same token, if your relationship just isn't working, then don't drag your feet about ending it and allowing yourself and your significant other to move onto someone better suited. Beating the dead horse of a dysfunctional relationship is a surefire way to tempt even the most principled people into cheating.
ReplyDelete@Steve Splawinski
ReplyDeleteI agree with both you and Monika, I think that this issue of cheating has to do with how our societies view of love and marriage are changing in general. As a society we are becoming more and more accepting of things like divorce and we are also prone to throwing around the word love so easily that sometimes it seems that it may not have as strong of meaning as you would think. For instance I know a couple that posts their entire relationship on Facebook and it blows up my news feed. For about two weeks they were saying I love you so much baby always and forever... etc. and then two weeks later it was their two month aniversary. This just seems slightly unrealistic that you could find someone and decide that you were going to love them for all of eternity in the course of two months.
I think that cheating is when you have sexual relations or a strong emotional attachment with another person that crosses the line of friendship while still with your significant other. Even if you do not go as far as having sexual relations with another person while still in a relationship with your partner but still cross the emotional line and feel love for another person while still in your current relationship it is cheating I think. I believe that when you start having love for another person while still in a committed relationship, then you should have a conversation with your significant other before it continues to escelate to a whole new level of decption, minipulation, and lies. If there the current relationship just is not working and you continue to fight and are not happy, and thus want to seek happiness with other people, then end the relationship that you are currently in. If you are not happy to begin with, so you have an affair in order to fulfill your need for happiness, then you are just going to make your current relationship even more messy. Avoid the situation before it happens by being proactive about talking to your significant other if you are not happy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with alber.12, that you cannot trust someone who as cheated with someone before or as cheated you with somone else. The chances that he or she will do it again is high and this time he or she wouldnt be easy to get cought, because that person will make sure that he or she will find another way to hide it. That is why I believe that there is no way to rebuild a relationship with a person who as cheated you with someone else.And those who gives that person a chance to work it out or deeply in love with that person, is butting their relationship in "high" risk.
ReplyDeleteAnd I believe that those people who gave them a second chances are those people who are deeply in love with that person and that is why believe that person knew in a way that you will give him or her a chance, because you are deeply in love with him or her.
I think that no matter what cheating is never okay. There is never an excuse for it. One article "Women who have good men cheat on them more" talks about how women who have a goon man cheat on them, but woman who are with a bad guy usually stay with them. This way the good guy is getting screwed over. The article claims that women desire someone with a bad boy image. Then goes in to explain that women do for many different reasons like they don't feel they deserve better. It was interesting to see that the article said women didn't feel they deserved a good man, but in the same sense the good man is the one who is getting screwed over.
ReplyDelete